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Dealing with angry people in your life is challenging, Some times it would appear that anger surrounds us at home, in the workplace, on the roads and with our extended families. The key to deal with angry people is to train you to ultimately react instead of react: simply set, this means do not let them push your buttons. Remain in control and you may prevent rising anger that leads to conflict, hurt feelings, and relationship stress. Following are ten suggestions to assist you to do just that:
Suggestion #1 - Don't respond in kind. Violence frequently begets more violence. For example, you say or do anything (or don't do something) that creates anger in someone else. They respond by getting angry at you, generally known as "push-back." After this you up-the-ante in reaction to their violence. Quickly, it's World War 3 often over a minor concern. To avoid this, understand that getting upset or defensive because of yet another person's anger is only 1 possible reaction. Continue reading to learn others.
Idea #2 - Just take Their Upset seriously and examine their feelings about the problem available. Tune in to what they've to say and hear them out. Ignoring them or decreasing their emotions will often elevate their anger more. Neglecting their thoughts as unimportant works people up instead of calming them down. As a case of this, there were many office violence incidents in the last several years that may have been averted or reduced had professionals or companies listened with concern to disgruntled employees rather than reacting in a way seen by the employee as insensitive or uncaring.
Suggestion #3 - Never disagree with someone when they (or you) are drunk or beneath the impact of any mood altering substance. In some cases, this fuels domestic violence or other uncomfortable but predictable effects. Among other bad things, being beneath the influence affects judgment, decreases inhibitions (resulting in saying things you may not mean), and distorts generally clever thinking ability.
Tip #4 - When under verbal attack by somebody, push yourself to be careful and vulnerable to what could be within the anger. Frequently frustration is only the idea of the iceberg. To defuse it, try responding to and dealing with the frequently huge area of the iceberg that's beneath the surface. Common underlying emotions are fear, embarrassment, anxiety, or resentment.
Idea #5 - Allow angry people to actually avoid the condition, if they have to. Don't stop their way or prevent egress, or even follow them from room to room wanting to make your point because you might be placing yourself in a dangerous situation. Take off the heat instead of increasing the pressure, as in a pressure cooker. Don't insist on solving the problem "now" (as against later when the waters are calmer) while the other individual is in an agitated state research shows that after having a certain point, people are unable of thinking properly to resolve the problem.
Hint #6 - Don't become defensive your self by fighting back, bringing previous stuff up from the remote past, or approaching the person's character or other vulnerable weak spots in their armor. This is simply not to say that you can not remain true for yourself by sharing honest thoughts, thoughts and responses to their conduct. To the contrary, frequently taking a stand on your own and establishing limits effectively will calm anger and increase intimacy.
By contrast, defensiveness is a distancing, defensive method that always makes things worse and hinders communication which could possibly solve the conflict or discussion. Defensive people are not open to hearing, and worse, aren't able to take influence or important input from the other person. When you are defensive, you are primarily trying to make the other wrong while making your self right or justified in what you may are doing---not a good method if you are attempting to calm anger!
Idea #7 - Trying to solve a problem with reason alone that's an underlying psychological issue will not work. It's like going into battle with a broken spear. It just ain't enough. Example: Married five years, Sandy and Keith constantly struggled over how his father parents their children during grandparent visitations. Keith spends hours rationally arguing that his father's parenting style will not hurt the children and pointing out the data. Does this help? No, it actually makes things worse much to the dismay of Keith. Why doesn't it help? Since the real situation is that Sandy feels unsupported by Keith and further thinks he must be on "her side." Until that emotional problem is addressed and resolved, Sandy and Keith may carry on to struggle over the nurturing differences.
Doctor Tony Fiore is a licensed psychologist, marital therapist and certified anger management trainer He has received advanced training in marital therapy at the Gottman Institute in Seattle,Washington. In addition to his effective clinical practice, Dr Tony often conducts anger management classes in Southern California, consults and offers courses to companies for anger and stress management, and, with a companion, produced a certification program for other anger management specialists. Visit his website for a free newsletter, books. and other products.at: http://www.hotdeal.vn/ho-chi-minh